Ever heard of the five love languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term in his popular relationship book, “The Five Love Languages,” originally published in 1992. After years of leading crisis couple counseling, Chapman realized what makes one person feel loved and appreciated is often different from their spouse or partner.
People tend to express love and appreciation in the way they prefer to receive it—but that doesn’t always match up with how their partner feels most loved and appreciated. The sentiment and effort can get lost in translation—as if they’re speaking different languages.
“I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise,” Chapman said. “The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.”
Chapman’s conclusion was that taking the time to learn and understand your partner’s primary love language—which is often different from your own—can improve communication and strengthen your relationship.
A common misconception is that the five love languages are only applicable to romantic relationships. In reality, the term “love languages” is better described as “appreciation languages.” The same principles apply in relationships of all kinds—friendships, familial, romantic, even professional.
As a small business owner, you have all sorts of professional relationships—with your customers, employees, business partners, vendors, etc. Something they all have in common? Everyone wants to feel appreciated and important.
Taking the time to understand your own love language, as well as those of your customers and employees—at least in a general sense—can immensely strengthen your professional relationships, customer perception, and loyalty.
Here’s an overview of the five love languages, how they translate to the workplace, and how you can apply these principles to your business relationships.
Last we checked, no one can read minds. One of the biggest reasons for conflicts in relationships of any kind is lack of communication, which can lead to misinterpretations and misunderstandings. But, words of affirmation aren't just about compliments—it’s about acknowledging a person and their actions, and verbalizing your positive thoughts and appreciation. (If you’re not much of a talker, writing them also counts!)
People with this love language feel and show appreciation through:
People with this love language feel hurt by:
While the saying “the customer is always right” may be cliché, it comes in handy here. Translating words of affirmation to customers goes hand-in-hand with good customer service. Making your customers feel heard, acknowledging their opinions as valid and important to you (good or bad), and thanking them for their business is a great start.
Provide excellent customer service: Be sure to actively listen to your customers when they give feedback, acknowledge their opinion, engage in respectful, productive conversation, and thank them for sharing.
Thank your customers for their business: This may seem simple but create a culture among your employees to express gratitude for customers. Handwritten follow-up thank you notes go a long way as well.
Who doesn’t want to be told by their boss they’re doing a good job? It’s easy for managers who don’t have words of affirmation as their primary love language to forget to verbally express praise and compliment employees for a job well done
Public praise, Private (constructive) criticism:Hey, this is one of our love languages! We love showing our appreciation for our customers through excellent service, and providing them with the tools they need to best run their business. (Give us a try for free!) When it comes to this love language, actions—and services—speak louder than words.
People with this love language feel and show appreciation through:
People with this love language feel hurt by:
This language may be the easiest to understand how it translates to customer relationships. Simply by providing excellent service to your customers, you can make them feel appreciated and important to you and your business. Following through on your commitments is paramount, and going the extra mile will make a big difference.
Ideas:
Taking an extra minute out of your day to help your employees shows you’re a team player who’s there to support them. It’s a two-way street!
Ideas:
When it comes to the love language of gifts, it truly is the thought that counts. Gifts don’t have to be extravagant or expensive—the most important thing to remember is thoughtfulness.
People with this love language feel and show appreciation through:
People with this love language feel hurt by:
Gifts are a clear and tangible way to show appreciation for your customers. While often used as an advertising tactic (“free gift with purchase”) it can also be an effective way to show your customers you value their business.
Ideas:
Who doesn’t like a company gift? Stay away from kitschy gifts that just turn into clutter though, and instead gift your employees with tailored, more meaningful tokens of appreciation. This could be a gift card to their favorite restaurant, tickets to a sporting event or concert they’ve been excited about, or even surprise monetary bonuses for a job well done.
Ideas:
Quality time is all about giving your undivided attention, showing a person you value their time, and making them feel like they’re the most important person to you at that moment.
People with this love language feel and show appreciation through:
People with this love language feel hurt by:
Customers expect a certain level of attention and service. They want to feel their business is your top priority. Their time and money are valuable to them, so it’s important to give them the time of day to show them it’s valuable to you too.
Ideas:
No employee wants to feel like they’re just a cog in the machine. Spending quality time with your employees is the best way to add the human element to your business. Remember, it’s not the quantity of time, it’s the quality that counts. We know you’re busy as a business owner, so find a cadence you can commit to. Spending a little time getting to know your employees goes a long way.
Ideas:
Ok, we left this one for last for a reason. Physical touch is the least translatable love language to the professional setting, for obvious reasons. It also isn’t COVID-friendly! However, outside of the pandemic, there are some appropriate applications of this love language—such as a strong handshake greeting, a celebratory high-five, or congratulatory fist-bump. In general, though, keep this one for your personal relationships outside of work.
People with this love language feel and show appreciation through:
People with this love language feel hurt by:
While you may not be able to ask every customer and employee what their primary love language is, being aware of the different ways people feel most appreciated is helpful and applicable in just about any setting or human interaction. You can find out your own love languages by taking the quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com!
We hope this helps you spread more love and appreciation, and strengthen your professional and personal relationships! If you’re interested in our acts of service, you can try GoSite for free (gift!) by signing up for a free account below.